Written on March 16, 2009

I’m sitting at the bay window in my room watching the beautiful city lights below. My eyes couldn’t stop drifting to that spot outside… that spot where we hugged and kissed for the last time. That spot where I had to let you go and walk away. That was the hardest thing I had to do. Actually, no, letting go, trying to move on, getting over you was the most difficult thing I had to do.

I’m sitting at the bay window because I needed to write. I need to try something new to help me let go and get over you. Tonight, I will write all your flaws. Perhaps this will help me accept the reality of who you really are. I don’t want to do this, Allan. I never thought the day would come that I’d list all your flaws so it would benefit me. For 6 years, I let all the good outweighed the bad. I loved you so much that I became blinded. Now I can’t let it be. The bad must outweigh the good for my sake, for my sanity, for my heart.

And I guess it pains me to do this because the moment, I put pen to paper and the words, the flaws, start pouring out, it means the Allan I have loved for 6 years would be gone. And now, I have to say goodbye.