Written on December 29, 2008

Ever since we had that talk on the phone, I've come to realize something. Remember when I said if you find someone who is just like you, of course you can't help but be attracted to that person and for that, I don't blame you. I now realize that I do blame you. Liking someone, just like love, is a choice we have to make. Liking someone is something you have to develop over time. The moment you are aware that you are attracted to someone, you make a decision whether to pursue it or not. Allan, you obviously made a choice and that really, really hurts. You consciously invited her to drink after work because you wanted to get to know her better and that already is infidelity.

Let me ask you this. If I invited another guy to have coffee or dinner with me while we were together, would you feel betrayed? If I didn't tell you about it, would you have thought of it as nothing? Don't lie to yourself, Allan. You know you would feel hurt and betrayed.

As I said, to like someone is a decision. While we were together, I could have developed feelings for other men. I could even have flirted with them. But I made that decision out of love and respect for you. Why couldn't you do the same for me? What did I do to deserve less from you? What did I do to lose your love and respect?