Written on January 22, 2009

It’s been a week since I wrote here. The novena really helped me heal. I haven’t cried since last Thursday. I guess the week I finally found my evidences was my lowest point and there was nowhere else for me to go but up. Yesterday, I was teary eyed. I remembered those moments I was crying so hard over you. I was crying when I remembered the moment my heart was breaking the night of November 23. The moment I left your arms and walked through my gate. I cried knowing how difficult that was for me. How I knew things have forever changed- my life, my dreams, my future. Just writing about it is making me teary eyed.

It still pains me remembering how devastated I was when you never called on Christmas eve because it was a sign that things have changed. For 5 years, you would call me at midnight and cheerfully greet me a Merry Christmas. I guess the fact that you didn’t shows how fast you moved on.

I am eternally grateful that God helped me heal faster than I expected. He does, indeed, show mercy to those who are broken hearted. I remember that on the week or the days after I found evidences of your betrayal, when I started the novena to the Sacred Heart, I would cry while praying. I would beg Him to take the pain away. I would beg Him to help me let go.

The novena ended on January 15 but I’ve been continuing it because it really helped me immensely. Allan, later tonight, when 1am strikes, it would be exactly 2 months since we broke up. How fast time flies. It only feels like yesterday that you broke my heart. And in those two months, I still think of you daily- all the time. I wonder if you do too?