Written on December 17, 2008

Ever since we broke up, I have slowly been removing you from my life. I stopped wearing the bracelet of our photos as that was a symbol of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I changed my Facebook status to single as my way of accepting the reality that we're over. I removed our photos because they reminded me of happy days. I packed the Christmas photo that resided beside my bed for 6 years because it reminded me of the best night of my life. I finally removed or deleted all your text messages because I know I should not be holding unto them.

Just yesterday, I pulled out THE BOX. The beautiful box you made and gave as a gift 6 Christmases ago and found your old letters. I read them and became sad and nostalgic. We really were happy back then. We were each other's world.

Today, I realized that from beginning to end, you were my world, my life. And sadly, somewhere along the way, I was no longer yours. I always thought you loved me more than I love you. Now I know that I loved you more because I am still here hoping that we could work things out, despite knowing everything. I love you more because I gave everything I had into this relationship. I don't know if you believe that and I don't know what it would take for me to prove it.

I know you think, still think, that I chose the condo over you. I never did. I just couldn't let go of a dream we shared. It's because of you I'm still holding on to a dream. Only my practical side or reasons are secondary. Truth be told, I don't know if I can live there or with my future husband, knowing that it's suppose to be our home.

While my love remained strong, it pains me to know that your love slowly died because it wasn't strong enough to make you stay and work things out. Perhaps her prescence gave you courage to leave.

Tonight, I remembered something you said in September 2007. We had a huge fight and you said something like your love being strong that we can deal with anything. I asked you, "What if I cheated on you? Can you still forgive me?" And you said, "I don't know." That's how much you loved and cared. And in those times when I was too weak, that I attempted to run away, you said your love was strong for both of us. Where's that love now, Allan? Because I really need it.

I know that if she didn't enter your life, you would have fought for us. You would have stayed. And it pains me that it took only one person to weaken your love and our future.

STUFF FROM THE BOX

Letter when you left Boracay on March 2003:

"I just want to tell you that I had the greatest time. You were right. Boracay is so beautiful and it becomes heaven when you spend it with the person you deeply love. Thank you for giving me Heaven, babe! Thanks for making this the best experience in my life. And I thank God for giving me you- The best that ever happened to my life!!!"

For my birthday, year unknown:




"In this relationship, we've had our ups and downs.
Yet as long as it doesn't flatline, my heart will always beat for you."



I guess now that our relationship is dead, your heart no longer beats for me, huh?