Written on December 26, 2008- 4am-ish

After praying in the adoration chapel, praying for you and for me, my phone began to ring. It was you. I didn't pick it up because I didn't want my family to hear what we were talking about (You know how it makes me uncomfortable for others to hear my side of the conversation). But most importantly, I was scared that I might burst into tears. I was afraid of what you might say. Of course I had an inkling that you were just gonna greet me but that made a whole lot of difference. It made my Christmas. Don't get me wrong. The call and the text you sent me after did not spark hope that we'll be back together or that there's a chance of that happening. It just made me glad, happy even, and relieved that you still cared.

I told you before that because of the break up and because of you liking her, I no longer know how to paint you. I no longer know how to see you. But this, this just shows that the Allan I once loved is still beneath all the different notions I have of you. I told you before that I do not want to go on living the rest of my life thinking that my first love could not only just commit to me and our future but also could at the very least, commit emotional infidelity. Tonight, you gave me faith in you. A friend told me that I shouldn't forget that you are now a different person. I know that. I'm just relieved that there's still a part of the old Allan left in you.

We had a beautiful relationship, Allan. Our 6 years were the happiest in my life. I do not want the memories of that to be destroyed simply because you changed.

P.S. Thanks for the Christmas gift. You know what's funny? The title of the books you gave me. I'm "Crazy Hot" and she's "A Kept Woman".