Written on December 24, 2008

It's Christmas Eve. My first Christmas in 6 years without you. I never thought this day would arrive. I always thought I'd be spending Christmases with you for as long as we both shall live. Christmas is suppose to be spent with family and loved ones and even though I'm surrounded by them, I still feel alone and lonely. I wonder if you'll call me at midnight. I wonder if you'll care. I wonder if you'll even send me a text. I wonder if you're alone or if you're with her.

My heart still feels like it's breaking... every single day. It's shattered into a million pieces and those pieces are still breaking further. I cannot believe that the one person who loved me so much can also hurt me the most. And I wonder what did I do to deserve such pain and suffering.

My fear is that you look back into the relationship and feel relieved you got out- that all you see is all that was bad about it.

I hope you will forever remember of the beautiful times we shared, the memories we built. I hope you will see me as the woman who loved you with all her heart and remember me as the woman who you loved with all your heart, mind and soul. Merry Christmas, my dearest baby...