Written on June 19, 2009

It's been a month since I wrote here. Since my last entry, many has happened to me emotionally. Last month, I still had hope in my heart. I still wanted to fix things. I felt we can still make it work. One day, as I was praying in the Blessed Sacrament, it suddenly hit me. Why should I care when you obviously stopped caring? And I realized that I don't want to hope anymore. I resigned.

Since then, I realized that perhaps God is teaching me a lesson in patience and trust. All of these started because I was impatient. I felt that after 4 and a half years, we weren't going anywhere and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. And so I took matters into my own hands and got the condo.

While healing from the break up, I was faced repeatedly with situations that tested my patience. It was only recently that I discovered God was telling me to be patient, to learn to trust others, especially in situations where others are affected, especially in situations beyond my control and lastly, to not always take matters into my own hands.

In the past 6 months, I've learned a lot about myself, about who and how I am in a relationship so much so that knowing what I know now, if only I could go back in time, I would do things differently.

We know that's not possible and the best I can do is learn from my mistakes and apply my learnings in my next relationship.

I hope you too have learned a lot about yourself, who and how you are in a relationship. I hope that you have learned from us because I certainly learned a lot from you too. I thank you, Allan, for the lessons you unknowingly taught me.