Written on August 8, 2009
Dearest Allan,
It has been a month and a half since I wrote here and I know today this will be my last entry. Since my last entry, I have begun dating someone. Our relationship is slowly progressing and both of us know that we're heading in that direction. I really hope this is it for me. :) Truth be told, he seems to be exhibiting the qualities I'm looking for in a partner, the qualities I prayed for in my novena since January.
Today is the birthday of Jack Dylan, Jim's son and I knew there was a possibility I would see you today and so earlier this week, I decided that whether I see you or not today, this journal will find it's way to you.
Last night, I made this decision and I told the guy I'm dating that I'm finally letting go and closing the chapter, THAT chapter of my life with you in it. To me, it's over. How funny was it that about 30 minutes later, we bump into you at Rufo's! It's like God telling me that yes, I'm finally ready to see you without feeling any pain. I just found the situation so surreal. A year ago, if someone told me that we'd bump into each other at some totally random place at 3am and I'd be with someone else, I wouldn't have believed them. It really, really was strange sitting a few feet away from you, knowing that once upon a time, I believed in forever with you. In our 6 years together, who would have thought we'd end up this way? Hahahahahaha! I'm just laughing about it now. I still can't get over it. :)
Anyway, Allan, this is my goodbye letter. I just want to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the laughters, the tears, for teaching me to fight, for making me believe that forever is possible with me, forever is now a reality with me. Thank you for letting me discover myself, for making me believe in myself. Thank you for all the experiences you've shown and shared with me. Most of all, dear Allan, thank you for the love. Thank you for teaching me to love with my whole self, without holding back, completely and wholeheartedly. Thank you for loving me just the same. Thank you for letting me experience being loved with so much passion. I know now what I deserve. Thank you.
Despite the very painful ending, I still believe it was an amazing, wonderful relationship. And Allan, you're no longer the guy who cheated on me, the guy who broke my heart. You're still the guy I first fell in love with. The good now outweighs the bad. So yes, Allan. This means that we're cool. :) I wish you all the best, Allan, and I mean it with sincerity. Have a wonderful life. See you around!:)
Love,
Cat
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Written on June 19, 2009
It's been a month since I wrote here. Since my last entry, many has happened to me emotionally. Last month, I still had hope in my heart. I still wanted to fix things. I felt we can still make it work. One day, as I was praying in the Blessed Sacrament, it suddenly hit me. Why should I care when you obviously stopped caring? And I realized that I don't want to hope anymore. I resigned.
Since then, I realized that perhaps God is teaching me a lesson in patience and trust. All of these started because I was impatient. I felt that after 4 and a half years, we weren't going anywhere and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. And so I took matters into my own hands and got the condo.
While healing from the break up, I was faced repeatedly with situations that tested my patience. It was only recently that I discovered God was telling me to be patient, to learn to trust others, especially in situations where others are affected, especially in situations beyond my control and lastly, to not always take matters into my own hands.
In the past 6 months, I've learned a lot about myself, about who and how I am in a relationship so much so that knowing what I know now, if only I could go back in time, I would do things differently.
We know that's not possible and the best I can do is learn from my mistakes and apply my learnings in my next relationship.
I hope you too have learned a lot about yourself, who and how you are in a relationship. I hope that you have learned from us because I certainly learned a lot from you too. I thank you, Allan, for the lessons you unknowingly taught me.
It's been a month since I wrote here. Since my last entry, many has happened to me emotionally. Last month, I still had hope in my heart. I still wanted to fix things. I felt we can still make it work. One day, as I was praying in the Blessed Sacrament, it suddenly hit me. Why should I care when you obviously stopped caring? And I realized that I don't want to hope anymore. I resigned.
Since then, I realized that perhaps God is teaching me a lesson in patience and trust. All of these started because I was impatient. I felt that after 4 and a half years, we weren't going anywhere and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. And so I took matters into my own hands and got the condo.
While healing from the break up, I was faced repeatedly with situations that tested my patience. It was only recently that I discovered God was telling me to be patient, to learn to trust others, especially in situations where others are affected, especially in situations beyond my control and lastly, to not always take matters into my own hands.
In the past 6 months, I've learned a lot about myself, about who and how I am in a relationship so much so that knowing what I know now, if only I could go back in time, I would do things differently.
We know that's not possible and the best I can do is learn from my mistakes and apply my learnings in my next relationship.
I hope you too have learned a lot about yourself, who and how you are in a relationship. I hope that you have learned from us because I certainly learned a lot from you too. I thank you, Allan, for the lessons you unknowingly taught me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
